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V​-​Beans Monthly

by The Vanilla Beans

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1.
He was talking it up like he might say maybe He's been dressing a lot like an old man lately They say kissing that way might just drive you crazy Yeah but letting this go might just kind of break me Breaking me down I don't know myself It's easier here than with someone else Holding this hand like it's still my home I'd rather be here than be left alone but honestly what is wrong with me we're hung up on this you're hung up on me you're hung up on him we're hung up
2.
Awake And 03:15
Drink it down like a sweetly flavored syrup swallow gulps while not looking at their hands moving fast like magicians misdirecting unaware of the malice in this plan ( i am awake now, I am afraid) making moves taking steps and clicking buttons creeping back to the caverns of this crypt keeping knowledge of the closest guarded secrets open wide to the bottle and its drip I am awake[aware] I am afraid Take a hint from the people interacting trying hard to not look them in the eye saying things like a factory just churning words that burn and that make you want to cry faking friends moving rocks around in silence walk through a stormy kind of night I am awake now I am not afraid
3.
Is that who you really are? just a skin-suited skeleton man nothing but the softest touch, from your cold heartless skeleton hands is that how you treat your friends? luring hearts to your secret lair? I remember the light of day far away from this deep despair you looked so good in your perfect suit and I followed you into the woods and I took my chances and soon i awoke inside your cave as we walked the skin began to peel away from your face and your hand fell to the ground and your arms and your torso fell away all that was left was a skull and eyeball looking at me
4.
5.
That time you went to he hospital to have all that surgery all your friends were nervous for you cause you seemed super worried but we are your friends and you'll be okay and when you get home we can hang out we can hang out
6.
Movinggg 03:08
-i'm trying hard to do this right i know i don't know why can we just level out this fight the time it moves on by- the sunlight moves across the room the time it moves so slow can this work or are we doomed I don't know if i can let go I'm trying hard to please you but youre so apathetic it's like im made of plastic or just not important i stand closely to you but i don't feel nothin is this still important is this just a waste of when we were hanging at the show I put my arms around you you held them tight, please don't let go a strand of cloth it caught me undone i'm laying on the road its safer here than with you the asphalts cold pressed up on my nose i think i'm moving on and 'm trying hard to please you but youre so apathetic it's like im made of plastic or just not important i stand closely to you but i don't feel nothin is this still important is this just a waste of time getting olds not bad if you can count on learning things the whole time trying to forgive yourself and still let people in is not that easiest commitment to fulfill but still i go on saying sorry here and sorry there like sorry ever fixed a problem you'd think being real with people would be easy and sometimes it is but why are we still hiding feelings from those closest to us and its sad but true but you wish you could go back and undo the harm you've done to others while you were wasting all that time just thinking only of yourself. and no one ever said love was real but we just hoped it was a good idea wanted to just try it cause making something work lasts longer than any scene in a movie and the tiny micro thoughts you have add up and you just want to feel a little close to ppl you love but the time and distance rips apart the seam of every interaction and it all dissolves and falls apart before you even had a chance to realize it was all your fault the whole time and you could’ve done something to stop
7.
like i could make this stop with just one single cure you'll try to pull me up and but i won't move upward cause there's just so much weight here inside my chest and i could unload it day after day for hours and still have more left but I'm trying now to be alone and good and i think if i asked for help from someone then someone would you say you wish time would stop you know I wish that too all of those small nice things there still a part of you like that great hair day you had last week its okay to be not okay and weak and i know it's hard cause it's hard for me too all those tiny hands pushing down on you and your pushing back by just waking up so you call your friends say your in a rut and sometimes big boots come and stomp you out and they blind your eyes and they shut your mouth you say you wish time would stop you know I wish that too all of those small nice things that are still part of you like that fun thing you did last night its okay to be not okay and not right you say you wish time would stop you know I wish that too all of those small nice things are still part of you like that great hair day you had last week its okay to be not okay and weak you say you wish time would stop you know I wish that too all of those small nice things that are still part of you like that fun thing you did last night its okay to be not okay
8.
Peach 05:14 video
feel the water lick your toes again try to relapse as i try to suspend try to balance all my weight on your words but it's just too absurd and i should just go home you think you can hang out in my head while your jumping from bed to bed well i'm not here to judge you look as pretty as a peach or some derivative of love but when i click on yahoo news and the racists they have a crew they're coming out for you cause their brains are filled with glue and i don't know why they don't leave it's like your shouting here in your room and your thinking i can't here you when you say those terrible thoughts that you never should've thought maybe we never should've met so stay away
9.
Ostra 02:02 video
so your shapes and ways have let you down again cant seem to see it eye to spy with them well don't keep it down i won't keep you down theres no reason to self ostracize everything will retain all it's size for you so they say that you're not right hype now to them you wish you would've seen it long before the end well those don't keep it down so please don't keep it down theres no reason to self ostracize everything will regain all it's size for you theres no reason to self ostracize everything will retain all it's size for you can i achieve the things i want to see look in the mirror missing most of me in-spite of things i should be proud of i feel so lost inside of every crowd right now
10.
Selfs 02:39
when i was kid i always dreamt that someday i would grow up and dig up bones i would unearth dinosaurs and ancient plants and give them a new home maybe in that way they could continue being known and understood and everything buried in the past could wake again and do some good but when you get older you realize maybe that time will always be unkind ripping at all the lovely and memories while you spin on a dime maybe the buried things should stay that way and rest for all of the new time but what kind lesson would you learn when all of your past erodes to slime so what do you do when all the thoughts you have just suddenly explode and all of your secret selfs leak out of the corners of your nose you look back to when you were a kid for a little meaning in the shit get a little marker and use the tip to color the page until it rips trying hard to understand the pay offs and the proposals and why and what do they matter in the clouds or sleeping under a blue sky i could count all the satellites up there i could put some new flowers in my hair i could give something new a try i could find a new way to spend my time

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We are gonna write and release a new/maybe sometimes old- song every month

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released June 1, 2016

Ani-Todd-Andy

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The Vanilla Beans St Louis, Missouri

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